⚠ CLOWN DISCOVERY BULLETIN ⚠
Professor Joke has presented his most recent findings to the Foundation for the Understanding of Clown-kind (F.U.C.K.). Four new species of Clown were discovered and contained during the Professor's latest sabbatical.
Before we get to these recent findings, we must first discuss three previously identified species:
Fire Clown:
A conceited Spicy-type, this pyromaniac Clown is a natural prodigy in all things flame! In every Fire Clown is a raging spark ready to ignite; each victory further inflates the Fire Clown's ego, making his flames burn even hotter!
Scream Clown:
Don't sneak up on this Loud/Spooky-type Clown, or he'll shatter your eardrums in retaliation! Prof. Joke has been wearing earplugs around the lab ever since he got one of these in containment, but the Scream Clown's wails just keep getting louder. If you see a Scream Clown, keep your distance! They're extremely shy and territorial and will scream bloody murder until left alone.
Snow Clown:
This adorable Cool-type is a wintry fellow who loves bathing in the warm sunlight and the smells of summer flowers. Snow Clowns make great companions but must be kept in a cool climate; don't let them fool you into thinking otherwise!
Newly discovered specimens!
Potted Clown:
A dim-witted Camp-type, the Potted Clown thinks he's cleverly disguised as a houseplant. Walk by one without paying any mind and he'll be tickled pink thinking he’s fooled you! If you make it clear that you've seen through his deceptions, however, the Potted Clown will double down on the ruse, chanting, "Plant! Plant!" until you give up your pursuit.
Inflation Clown:
This big, bad, beefy Clown is a Balloon/Fat-type. The good professor struggled to capture an Inflation Clown because of their ability to shoot around at incredible speeds by releasing gas from their rectums. When angered or threatened, they Burst into bits creating a devastating explosion!
Ass Clown:
He's crude, he's crass, he's ASS! This offensively aromatic Clown is a Gross/Loud-type. Prof. Joke keeps his Ass Clown locked in a special containment unit to keep himself safe from the Clowns smells and sounds. If you see an Ass Clown in the wild, confine it in the nearest lavatory and contact F.U.C.K. authorities immediately. Watch out for his nauseating Brap Blast!
Sexy Clown:
The professor was very adamant that this Girl/Spicy-type beauty be named the "Sexy Clown". Her alluring appearance is used to bait foes into range where she then blinds them with Pepper Spray and knocks them unconscious with a Purse Smack! Don’t be fooled into letting your guard down just because of her good looks and flirtatious disposition!
Conclusion:
The Clown outbreak is yet to be contained, but know that the proud members of F.U.C.K. are determined to contain and analyze these mysterious beings until we discover the truth of their origin. Please be sure to report any Clown activity in your local areas to F.U.C.K. authorities using our toll-free hotline.
P.S. Professor Joke felt it pertinent to state that his research is fueled by something he calls “funny dust” and as such his findings should be treated as “subject to change before the final release”. We’re not really sure what that means, but he’s the only man ballsy enough to continue this life-threatening research so we shall continue to fulfill his wishes. Be sure to follow for further updates as we uncover more information on the Clown outbreak!
Sincerely,
The Foundation for the Understanding of Clown-kind (F.U.C.K.)
